Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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