And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
