I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
