Kiss
Puke
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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