He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize