dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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