Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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