508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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