Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize