Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
