you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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