Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
