As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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