all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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