Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
