Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
