There was a lot of him and a little penis
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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