You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
