My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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