atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
