just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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