also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
