i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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