Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
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