I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My life is pants optional.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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