U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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