I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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