it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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