Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
