highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
