Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
