the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
