My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
