Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
