hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize