I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
