Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
