Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
