I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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