I can't watch pbs sober anymore
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize