Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
