we have officially lost it.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
