I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
