I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
