Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
