What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
