Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
