Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize
