She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dick very happy bro
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
