my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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