Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
