I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
