I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i believe in u and ur pee
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
