i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
