If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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