Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
