living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
