So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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