He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize