just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
