Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize