We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
