I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
