I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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