shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
