so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
