Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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