I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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