Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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