I just threw up on my dentist
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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