thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
