At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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