This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
