Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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