:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
