I got chris browned last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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