I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
