his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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