wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
