now i know why i became what i already was.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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