how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
