i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
