i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize