i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
