Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
