apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize