Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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