you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
