you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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