How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
