the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
