Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
