I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
