A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
