Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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