so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Even the bartender felt bad for me
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
