I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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