so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize
