The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
