wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
